Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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