I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
