When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
