So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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