so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my poor anus
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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