it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
