I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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