it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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