I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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