I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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