Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
