girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
