you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
