R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
