If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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