so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
