Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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