somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you had me at cake vodka
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
