I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
