My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
