i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
