Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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