I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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