This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
