You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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