..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
