We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
