no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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