The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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