he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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