Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
