Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
