So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
