How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
