I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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