I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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