Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
