is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
