I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
