8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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