Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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