after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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