a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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