i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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