Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
