Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
