I need help removing her.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
