My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
