i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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