peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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