help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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