It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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