so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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