glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize