First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
