It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize