She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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