Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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