Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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