i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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