We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
