I'm eating all of the evidence.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
