we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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