i just wanna soil my oats bro
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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