yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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