i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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