This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
What a dumb baby whore.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
