I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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